To Good To Be True

Posted On December 3, 2010

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I knew I spoke too soon.  Tonight I binged. I ate some ice cream at a program I held, which was no big deal. Until I went and bought cookie dough and ate it. A lot of it. I’m not even going to tell you how much…

I am not very happy about it. I knew deep down not to do it, but I did it anyway.  I gave in. I didn’t trust that God was enough, and I found comfort in something so lame. Something so short-lived. Something that makes me feel lame in the end.

 

Needless to say, tomorrow is a new day. And next time I want to binge, I’ll be heading over to check out YOUR blogs, so please, please keep updating! Reading your blogs is so encouraging 🙂

And I’m going to start that book this weekend. I am very busy this weekend between Christmas Party I planned for my campus ministry, and a sleepover Saturday night with the girls from the Youth group I help lead at church.  Here’s my word to you: no bingeing this weekend. Speaking of, Happy Weekend!

Side note: I decided to give up soda. I drink coffee every morn

 

ing and water all day long. Soda makes me bloated, and I’ve heard it makes you gain weight, even diet! True? I don’t know, but either way, water is healthier. So for now, soda is out–unless it’s a super special occasion!

Sorry this post is all over the place…now, back to The Santa Clause on ABC Family.

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Change of Scenery & A Good Point

Posted On December 1, 2010

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Since coming back from my five days in Florida, my bingeing has been extremely under control.  I feel as if the want to binge is gone.  I think getting out of my apartment altogether was a great prescription. Did you guys know I live alone?  Well I live in an apartment complex owned by my college, and I’m actually an RA (Resident Advisor).  The University therefore gives me my own apartment, for free. Yup. It’s a great deal, but I really think that’s part of the reason I struggle with bingeing.  Think about it: If I lived with others, I would NOT go to the fridge 5x in a row. I would be too embarrassed! Living alone I can hide and sneak anything I want and no one will know. Except me, God and the scale, of course…

Besides living alone, I always knew there was a reason as to why I binge.  A friend yesterday brought up a very good point: my dad, sister and (in a minor way) my mom struggle with alcoholism.  It’s always been an issue with dad, but my sister and mom I feel might be headed that way.  Needless to say, it’s an addictive behavior, and addictive behaviors run in families. I gave my life to Christ my freshman year of college, and I am certain that is why I am not addicted to alcohol, but instead I turned to food.

Having at least a little grasp on the reasoning behind my bingeing is somewhat freeing.  I am bound to break the chain that my family carries, and for about a week now, things are looking up!

 

On the side of weight loss, I have been very conscious of what I am eating.  I sometimes eat maybe 100-200 calories over what my goal is (1250), but I’m really okay with that. Not bingeing every night alone will probably help me drops a few lbs.  As long as I can keep up my non bingeing behavior, I will surely see a loss this week!

 

Well for now, I’m off to Core Group for church.  It’s a group of 3 of us who meet every week. (Myself, Meredith and Kristen-Pastor’s wife) We’re reading the entire bible together, have accountability checks, and pray for those far from God.  They are the most amazing women ever. They pour into me and it’s a great place to be completely vulnerable about my struggles. I suggest everyone finds a ‘Core Group’ for themselves!

The Same

Posted On November 29, 2010

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I didn’t gain or lose during Thanksgiving. And I am THANKFUL (for no gain). After flying yesterday and eating the junk I ate, I’m okay with that. A week from today, though, I WILL LOSE.

Also, our books came in! Remember this post? I’m so excited.

Lastly, in my post about my half marathon, I asked about running and whether or not I should continue. Well, a week ago yesterday I had a major break down. I called my discipler (google it if you don’t know what that is :D), and I just cried for an hour.  When I run, I binge. After my half marathon, I couldn’t walk for 2 days due to something in my foot hurting. I believe with all of my heart, that was God telling me to stop.  I was covering up the bingeing with running, and justifying my over eating with the fact that ‘I just ran 5 miles…’ But enough is enough. I need to take a break. So from now until whenever I can handle my eating, I am a retired runner.

I may jog once a week and will most likely do the elliptical, but as for training: out of the question.  A change in diet will have to be the way I lose this weight. And I’m sure I can do it!

How was your holiday??

In which I apologize…

Posted On November 29, 2010

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Sorry I’ve been totally MIA!!

I headed to Florida last Tuesday afternoon and was completely internet-less, besides my iPhone, in which I refuse to blog on…too time consuming!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and is getting back on track with your eating if you strayed away…

My week was not the best but not the worst. I didn’t binge! I just ate when I was hungry, and what was served basically. I didn’t eat until I was sick, and I didn’t (mostly) go for seconds. I do not think I lost weight this week, in fact I probably gained from either water weight from flying or just the crazy-not-your-everyday-food that I ate all week.

I did however, have a really good conversation with the guy who lived next door to me growing up.  (He also goes to Florida with us every year-he bought a timeshare at the same place we stay a few years back) He’s kind of like a brother to me and lost over 100lbs about 5 years ago. Since then, he’s gained about 35 back.  He wants to lose 10lbs by Christmas, so I told him I’d help because I was trying to lose as well.

Needless to say, we will weigh in on Monday’s now in order to keep on track over the weekend. No slacking. I am bound to lose some weight!

This is my last week of classes coming up, and I have 4 large projects due within the next 2 weeks. And 2 finals.  I will be busy and bored and stressed all at the same time. Here’s to a great week back!

13.1 and A New Start

Posted On November 21, 2010

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This morning I finished my 2nd half marathon. I did it 1 minute slower than my last race, but was very pleased with it. I honestly thought I was going to die. Hill after hill after hill was not what I expected,but in reality it was literally hill after hill after hill. I finished in 1:55:51.

So now you’re thinking, “why does this girl need to blog about her ‘healthy eating’?” … “she doesn’t need to lose weight.” I can hear what you’re thinking-honestly.

But let me tell you…I’ve officially gained 12lbs in 1 month. This is an issue. My clothes aren’t fitting nicely, and I feel awful about myself. I’m done. I’m done sneaking candy bars at night and I’m done sitting alone, wallowing in my loneliness.

I can’t wait to start the bible study as I mentioned in my last post. I can’t wait until food isn’t my weakness. I can’t wait until I’m happy in my own body.

My goal is to weigh 135 by January 30, 2011. That means through the Holiday, I’ll be ‘dieting’ …more like living/eating normally. I need to get a hold of myself. I’m here to challenge myself to break this awful binge eating cycle. I hope you’ll continue to check in on me! I’ll be adding a weight (loss) tracker on a page at the top.  I’ll be tracking via Weight Watchers Points and challenge myself to continue to workout/run even though I’m not technically training still.

P.S.

What do you think about me training for another half marathon? Do you think it’s throwing my weight way off? Am I over compensating when I run in calories? How do I lose weight, but eat more when I go on longer runs? What’s your input?

Harry Potter

Posted On November 18, 2010

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I’m not even a big fan, but yes I’ll be at the theater at midnight to see it.  And I paid $13.25 for a ticket! (Okay, my mom bought it for me via the credit card I have for ’emergencies.’) But still, the midnight showing of a movie I’m not even really in to.  The main reason I’m going is because I have a large group of friends going and it’s almost as if I feel like I’ll miss out if I don’t go. You know the feeling…

Either way, today I finished 12 pages of my paper! I didn’t mention yet why I’m trying so hard to finish it before Thanksgiving break. This Tuesday I’ll be heading to Florida for 5 days. I want to turn it before break so it’s not hanging over my head on vacation.

My family goes to Florida every Thanksgiving. I’m so excited but still scared. I know food is always more prevalent on vacation, but I still want to stay on track. I’m hoping being in a swim suit will keep me away from the food!

Lastly, through Keelie over at REAL FAT, it was suggested that I start one of the bible studies to help get me through this dark bingeing place I’ve been stuck in.  I started to talk to another friend about it yesterday, and today she talked to me about it some more, and even admitted she struggles with food in a different way.  Needless to say, we ordered 2 copies of Giving Christ Control.  It’s a study to help us with self-control and to seek Christ instead of food. We’re so excited to start this!  If you’re interested in a variety of studies, head on over to First Place 4 Health.

Here’s to not snacking before the movie, maybe just a piping cup of coffee will do me some good…

It’s almost Friday! And if today was a bad day for you-foodwise- tomorrow’s a new day. Embrace it!

Low Moment

Posted On November 18, 2010

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Last night I had a low moment…

…I was really excited about hanging out with friends-and we all know the excitement breads emotion which triggers (for me at least) the feeling of wanting to eat….

I got home around 11 last night, and my stomach was growling so I decided to make a small bowl of warm oatmeal-about 100 calories or so.  Not bad, right? Well then my friends were going to watch the meteor shower at 2am, and they wanted me to come back over. I got really excited and knew I’d be hungry if I stayed up (problem #1), so I ate not 1, but 2 candy bars from the vending machine.  When I got home, I ate some pasta. Because. I. Could. Because I was feeling like it.

Needless to say, the guilty feelings have moved in, and I feel like a failure.

For just a second, though.

Today is a new day to show God that He is bigger than any amount of food I can consume.  I am excited for today-I’ve left the comfort of my apartment and headed out to a nearby coffee shop to take away the temptation of eating. I have my black coffee, a bagel and a banana and I’m ready to take on this 20-page paper. Here’s to a better day!

Love Yourself

Posted On November 16, 2010

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Last night at my small group we focused on loving your neighbor as yourself.  What does that look like? Why is that so hard?  If we truly loves our neighbors as ourselves, I think there would be world peace.  So there you have it, I’ve solved it!

But in all seriousness, if you love others as God loves us and as we love ourselves, peace would take over this broken world.  The way you treat your body with food is definitely a large part of this.  The way you fuel your body can be a sign of loving yourself (or not). When you’re eating large amounts of food until you feel sick, is that loving yourself? When you’re buying extra food that isn’t necessary and wasting money, is that loving yourself? (or your wallet?)

Truly loving yourself comes in all different forms. It can come in the form of rest when your body needs time to recuperate. It can be taking alone time for yourself or buying a new outfit every now and then. Loving yourself physically, mentally and spiritually are key, so don’t forget to give yourself a little hug tonight…

And when she runs…

Posted On November 15, 2010

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I thought you should know something about me: I’m a runner. Like I run half marathons. (Okay, I’ve run 1 and will be running 1 this Saturday.) But I’d still consider myself a half-marathoner.

Growing up I was a competitive soccer player, traveling 8-9 hours on the weekends to the most competitive tournaments. When I got to college I played for the club team, but ultimately hated it. Nobody was committed, and my heart wasn’t in it.

During my sophomore year of college a friend randomly asked me to run a half marathon with her. I laughed and didn’t really give her an answer, so the next time she saw me, I felt cornered. Kind of. I secretly wanted to run one, but didn’t think I wanted to train for it.

Four months later we were running our first half marathon. It wasn’t easy, but we stayed dedicated to the training and made it happen.

Now you’re probably thinking, “why is Katie worried about weight and eating when she’s running 5-10 three times a week?” And that’s exactly my problem: running 5 miles 2x a week and 8-12 miles 1x a week. You see, my body is confused. On the days that I run I obviously eat more, but then the next day I have to re-train my body to realize it’s not actually hungry. I have to make my brain realize I just want to eat and eat because that’s what I did the day before, not because I’m actually hungry.

So there’s my problem: knowing when I’m actually hungry and when I just want to eat because I just burned 1,000 calories. (Even after 10-mile runs, there are times I’m not hungry but I eat just because I know I have calories ‘left’ to eat.)

It’s a stressful cycle that I’m bound break sooner than later.

He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. Proverbs 15:32

Day 2

Posted On November 15, 2010

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Hello to  my fellow followers.  It’s Monday. A fresh start to the week, and a fresh start to my new way of life.  I choosing to not let food consume me anymore.

I have planned my day out already and have kept myself busy for the most part. I am definitely a go-getter and love to be busy! After my 3 classes today I have a project to start, then a fancy-schmancy meeting, and then small group (dinner/bible study).  I will plan out what I’ll eat before I get there and stick to it. Hopefully.

How do you stop yourself when there’s endless amounts of food in front of you? Some say gum, some say drink water, some say just walk away.  I feel like I’ve heard these numerous times, but sometimes it’s just not enough. I need to reprogram my mind to make these things take the place of food.

I will not be posting too much about the Points I’m eating, just because that can definitely get boring. However, it will be brought up at times. I’ll also be trying other methods of  breaking my bingeing habit, and I’ll keep you posted as I go! As for now, I need to pay attention in class…I’ll be back later to post about a challenge I’m ready to take on!

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